Under Pressure

She cries, "he'll never understand how much he hurt me."  He says, "I know what I did was wrong, but I didn't cheat on you."  A look of hopelessness and dispair comes over her face.  He fights to defend himself from the pain of being defined by a mistake.

He says, "I'm losing hope.  I don't know how much longer I can hold on.  We can't talk about it because everything I say hurts her."  She retorts, "it doesn't have to be that way...why can't you say things differently?"  Back in the same old cycle, they both look to floor and become silent.

These conversations take place every day in therapists' offices.  They are hard to witness.  The pain is so deep and the glimmer of hope flickers.  For the couple, there is terror in the thought that years of building a relationship could disappear in an instant.  As a therapist, I wish I could take them by the hands and lead them through the future story of their lives, giving them the opportunity to see what could be.  I wish I could instantly convince them of their ability to create something new.  But, the pain is deep and we know that at any moment someone could decide that she (or he) just can't take it anymore.  So much hangs in the balance.  So much pressure.

The pressure is so heavy for them and for me.  We sit in a room knowing there is so much work to be done, yet so many daily responsibilities that inhibit us and slow down the progress.  It is so hard to be in the pressure cooker with a smile on our face as we care for our families and do our jobs.  But, we hang on with some part of us that still believes.

Consider these lyrics by Queen:

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Tomorrow gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Tomorrow gets me higher, higher, higher...
Pressure on people - people on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn
Why, why, why?

Love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love, give love, give love..?

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word
and love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves